pisces
aquarius
Alright, here you go then. If you absolutely must:
When you carry your water, where exactly do you carry it?I mean, is it for the whole village, or wherever the fuck you live, or do you plan to neck the lot yourself over the course of the weekend?
What sort of water is it? Is there cordial in it? Is it red cordial? If so, you'll be bouncing off the walls all afternoon. Is it salt water? Is it pee? Where did you get it? And do you realise that taps and plumbing have rendered you completely obsolete, Aquarius?
This month you will make a list of all the stuff that has needed doing for the last year or more. You will not do any of it.
Did you know that, statistically, you are 35% more likely to be a lesbian if you are a Piscean? And 41% more likely to be a Piscean if you are a lesbian? And 38% more likely to be impressed by such obviously made-up ststistics if you are a Piscean lesbian?
This week is trousers week for Pisceans. Trousers, trousers, trouers. Interpret that any way you like, you GULLIBLE WATERY TWAT.
Oh you great big bundle of POWER and DRIVE that you can barely contain, you. Snorting and harrumphing and aiming your relentless sights at whatever gaudy shit has caught your beady eye this time. YOU'RE A FUCKING BULL!!!
This week you will clench with such intensity as you prepare to unleash your UNSTOPPABLE FORCE that you shit yourself. DURING ASSEMBLY. Ha ha.
Think ARES, Greek god of War. Not AIR-EEZE, the US wind-suppressant. No. You are ARIES, and that, it says here, makes you a RAM. Apparently you're a leader. But you have the attention span of a rice cake. Right. Well, that bodes well for anybody following you, eh?
This week, or month, or whatever, you will have to apply that hard-headed can-do attitude to the open revolt against you by ALL YOUR FRIENDS that FINALLY takes place because NOBODY CAN TAKE ANY MORE OF YOUR CONSTANT FUCKING WIND-UPS.
Will you learn from this, Aries? Will you? It's doubtful...
taurus
aries
if all this actually means something to you...
...then you want your head examined
eRsaTz:
your stars
