cancer
gemini
Did you ever do that thing where one of you quite visibly and obviously follows somebody most of the way home at a distance of about forty feet, making sure that you are regularly seen, doing the full "haunter"/"stalker" bit, while the other of you waits at your victim's front door? If not, consider that an enormous wasted opportunity.
This week, scams ahoy as you try to use your identical similarity to get around the 80% attendance requirements of your student visa.
Hang on. If one in twelve of you is a twin, wouldn't that make two in twelve? Every sixth person is a twin? That can't be right, can it?
Scuttle all you like, you heedless cluster of shell and nippers. You're CANCER.
You can't run. You can't hide.
CANCER.
This month, you'll be diagnosed with... SCURVY.
Wait a fucking minute...
The "maiden". One twelfth of the population, half of whom are clearly not dressed for the role, steals the identity of half the population aged between about 15 and 25 and then taints them all with this weird OCD brush whereby everything has to be "tidy" regardless of actual function.
Anyway, this time out you'll realise your own personal dystopian nightmare when your housemates squeeze the toothpaste from the middle of the tube, again, and leave the cap off. You'll snap and go on a rampage, mortally wounding several family members before handing yourself in to a woefully undermanned local police station, gibbering "it's because I'm a Virgo, it's because I'm a Virgo..."
Anal retentive: you don't just want it up there, you aim to keep it.
LEO! (Leo!)
LEO! (Leo!)
LEO! (Leo!)
LEO! (Leo!)
et! (c!)
It's "look the fuck at me" time again, as ever. How are our favourite beacons of confidence and bravery? Feeling a bit kingy? A little junglesome, maybe?
This week, or month or whatever, you will once again dominate every conversation you get involved in, which you will render possible by ONLY EVER befriending those who are weak, meek and sheeplike. Nothing will ever change.
Anyway, lions live on the savannah.
virgo
